T'was The Week Before Christmas.....

Christmas is coming.... I am getting fat.
Please put some Twinkies in the old mans hat.

I've never been obsessed with my weight. I tend to be on the heavy side, I admit. And for the most part I'm okay with that.
Somethings changed....
The other day a friend of mine asked me how much I weigh. "265" was my reply. I said it proudly. Not to long ago I was topping the scales at about 300. It was sad. But I got down to 265 and was happy with it. I know that I need to lose more pounds. I could look better. I'll take 265 for now.
I went home and got on the scale. I had lied to my friend. I had lied to myself. The scale was pointing the finger of judgement at me..... 280. 2 8 0!!!!!
What had happened?? What had I done wrong?? The answer was simple. Ice cream, Snickers bars, cake, doughnuts, chicken sandwiches with lots of mayo. I had strayed from the path of lean meat, vegetables, oatmeal, and popcorn. Time to get back on the path.
Why do I care so much about my weight now when before it really didn't matter to me?
I'm getting older and my mortality is staring me in the face.
I'm sort of hunting for a mate.
The fat jokes are getting old.
I want to look good naked. This above all others....

What else.....?

It seems I'm going to a Garth Brooks concert next month. Some friends of mine are going, they bought me a ticket I didn't ask for, and told me I was going.
Lindsay: " I got you a ticket. You're going."
Me: " But I don't like Garth Brooks."
Lindsay: " Doesn't matter. I love Garth Brooks. We all want you there. You're going."
Me: " I don't even know any Garth Brooks songs."
Lindsay: " So? You'll have a good time. And you're funny. You're going."
Me: " But...."
Lindsay: " Shut up, Mikey. You're going."
Garth Brooks. He's a country singer, right? Should I wear a cowboy hat? Date my sister? Chew tobacco? I'm so scared....but I'm going.

It's less than a week away and I'm not ready for Christmas. What else is new? I do this every year. I think I secretly get off on the last minute shopping. Seeing people who are a lot more panicked than I am..... huge crowds of them. Kind of fun. Speaking of Christmas....

My company's Christmas party is this Friday. I don't think I've ever been to a real company Christmas party before. I've heard stories. It's at a nice place in town and there will be a cocktail hour. I won't be drinking, but it should be fun watching my co-workers get lit. Maybe there will be cake and cookies and lots of potatoes with gravy and meat. Maybe they'll serve seconds.

Oh. Wait. I have to be good. 280 reasons why I have to be good. Damn it!

In any event......

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Happy New Year!

To all the people I love....I love you all!

Asshole, thy name is.... can't say

There is a major asshole in the building where I work.

We all have them. They come in all shapes and sizes. They're assholes because they just don't seem to get that other people in the world are... well, people. People that have problems and worries, hopes and cares, feelings and opinions. Assholes concern themselves with none of this. It's all about them.
With not a care about how your weekend was, they will go no and on about their weekend.... in great detail. Twenty five minutes into their diatribe, they won't even notice that you are jamming a pencil into your own eye socket to try to distract them.
Or, without so much as a "Good morning", they will let you know how bad you are doing your job and why they are suffering for it.
Or, maybe they just feel that whatever it is that's going on in their lives is so much more important than anything you could be going through.
Whatever the case..... they're assholes.

I cannot go into great detail about the asshole at my work. I'm in the media. The asshole in question is also a member of the media. Radio, specifically. And if I were to out this person, it could come back to haunt me. Bakersfield is not a very big town. And if I were to let it out that a morning DJ in this market has an ego that is WAY out of control, it could be bad. Saying that this person is a bully might have repercussions. Suggesting that said asshole is a misogynistic, loudmouth, that couldn't think his way out of a paper bag, might get me in trouble.
But, you know, I have to say that his on air talent is only surpassed by his stunning good looks. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I'll always give credit where credit is due.
Besides, lots a people listen to his show. I didn't realize that contemporary hip/hop-R&B was that popular. Shows what I know.

Keep in mind that the fiction I have written here is just that.... fiction.

I was thinking about how great most of the people I work with are. And that one bad apple does not spoil the whole barrel. If there was a bad apple.... that was an asshole.


On a movie note..... just saw a great martial arts film last night. It was called "Romeo Must Die". Check it out.

Magic Moments

My name is Mikey and I'm an alcoholic.

I say this several times a week at AA meetings. I do not hide the fact that I am a recovering alcoholic. I blogged several times on myspace about it. I don't walk around with a sign advertising it, but it does come up from time to time. Example....

"Hey, you want a beer?"
"No thanks. I don't drink."
"Oh. Is that a religious thing?"
" No, it's a recovering alcoholic thing."
" Oh...."

Most people are just not sure what to say or how to act around you when they learn something like that. I always assure them that every thing's fine, go ahead and have your drink. But you still get that look... will he fall off the wagon if I drink this Zima in front of him? Not likely. Now, if you were having a vodka rocks with a twist, you could get my attention. Just kidding....

A friend was talking with me last night over the phone. We were chatting about this and that when I started telling her about the Monday Night Football gig I am committed to. I"m hosting a weekly party at a local bar. Big screen T.V.s, prize give aways, drink specials.... that kind of thing.
"Does that bother you?" she asked.
" You mean being at the bar?"
" Yeah, does it bother you?"
I had to be honest. "It does a little. But it's fine. I get over it."
"Is it hard?" I was touched by the concern in her voice.
" It's like this", I explained. " When I see all the people there drinking and having a good time.... when I see all the glasses of beer and all the shots of liquor.... I begin to think about how good it would taste. Then I think about the buzz.... that warm feeling of the alcohol in my veins. Sometimes it makes my mouth water. But, then I think about tomorrow. I'll wake up and I'll have to make a choice.... do I drink again today or do I get sober all over again. I was a daily drinker. I got drunk every night. That was the way I lived. That was the way I drank. Drinking, and everything that went with it, nearly killed me. So, do I risk going back to that? And if I go back to that, can I get sober again? Getting sober was one of the worst things I've ever gone through in my life. I don't ever want to get sober again.
It's in that moment that I decide NOT to have the drink. And then every things fine and I go on. Do you understand?"
" Yeah, I do", she said. "Wow. That's very cool."
" I'm glad you think so."

One less person to have an awkward moment with.

In Anothers Words

I was going to write something else, but I think I'll go with this......


If I have weaknesses
don't let them blind me
or camouflage all I am wary of
I could be sailing in seizures of laughter
or crawling out from under the heel of love
Do my prayers remain unanswered
like a beggar at your sleeve?
Olodumare is smiling in heaven
Smiling in heaven I do believe

Reach in the darkness
A reach in the dark

To overcome an obstacle or an enemy
To glide away from the razor or a knife
To overcome an obstacle or an enemy
To dominate the impossible in your life

- Paul Simon, The Rhythm Of The Saints


Yeah, that's all I want to say today.

New Costume

Happy Halloween!

What is it about this holiday? Do we love being scared or is it just the candy? Is it the kids being cute in their costumes? Or is it the costumes we adults get to wear? Hey, maybe that's it....

A chance to pretend that we're someone else. Who doesn't like to do that? We don't get a chance to do that very often.... become a different person. To have others regard us with a sense of awe and mystery. Mundane becomes terrifying, blah becomes sexy.

No costume for me today. Okay, so I'm wearing my new zombie tee shirt. It was a gift from a friend that knows me well. But no REAL costume. Becoming a different person is something I try and practice everyday now. Being a better person. It's not terrifying, it's not sexy, it's just me.

The kids in my neighborhood will ask me why I didn't dress up as I hand out candy this year.
" You're not scary like you used to be."

You got that right, kids, you got that right.

You want fries with that?

At the age of 42 I started a new career. In December 2006 I went to work for a radio company. The station I work for is a great training ground for me. A talk station with a lot of sports programing. I would love to do something a little more creative in radio eventually, but for now this suits me fine.
The people I work with are great. Lots of different personalities and egos. Keeps things interesting.
Recently, I was producing a show and one of my co-workers was doing some work on the computer in my studio. We were chatting as we were working and I looked over at the screen he was working on. Corey had finished whatever he was doing and had gotten on the Internet. It was a real estate web site. No big deal about that, but a picture of one of the agents caught my attention. It was a picture of a woman in her mid to late 50s. Her dress was an awful blue color with sequins, and her hair was bleach blond and spiked. The makeup really set me off though. Dark rouge on her cheeks, bright red lipstick, drawn on eyebrows, and thick blue eye shadow that matched her dress. I started to laugh.

" Let me guess. She's a real estate agent and part time hooker", I said. "Or a whore that sells real estate on the side." I laughed some more. I really crack myself up.
Corey just looked at me. He wasn't getting the joke. I pushed on.
" I mean look at her. If that's not a hooker.... don't you just love the dress?"
Corey had now started to laugh. My comedy magic was working.
" The makeup is what gives her away. No self respecting woman wears makeup like that. That face has seen some hard times."
I was on a roll. I had Corey doubled over. He was trying to speak. "Oh, man, you're killing me!" he said. "You have no idea!"
"Idea about what?" I asked. "The whore? She is a whore, isn't she?"
Breathing was becoming a problem for Corey. He was laughing so hard his face had turned bright red. He managed to get a few words out.
"Dude, it's so sad..... I can't tell you....."
"Let me guess", I said. "She's a one legged hooker, right? That's what's so sad. A one legged old fucking hooker."
"I can't tell you. You'll feel bad. But, oh God, that's funny", he said.
"Just tell me, Corey..... what's the story on the skank?"

Her wouldn't tell me. He just laughed and laughed. I finally wore him down.

"Okay, I'll tell you. But you're going to feel bad."
"What? She's dying of AIDS."
"No, no, no" he said, still laughing. "That picture..... that's my mother."

You know the feeling when the blood drains from your face?

I spent the next several hours telling Corey how sorry I was. For days after, people in the halls at work would ask me how Corey's mom was.

Well, some time has passed. Life moves on. And Corey was just promoted today. He's now my boss. I'm sure his mother is very proud.

I wonder if they're hiring at McDonalds....

Bad Time To Be In Love

Together. As if in silent prayer.
And whenever I looked out, you were there.
Love flowed from our hearts.
How could we ever,
Stand to be apart?

Don't throw your faith in others away,
Because we have ended this way.
Don't ever think I don't care about you,
What you've always know is true.

It always seems sad, things have to change.
Like our feelings, let's not look for blame.
After all is said and done, I am the sorry one.
Why must we hurt the people we love?
It's like my destiny falls on me from above.

I love you but I can't hang on anymore.
I love you but I can't stay anymore --- Single Gun Theory, Surrender


Yeah, that pretty much says it.

I'm dealing with a broken heart. Met a woman that I believe is my soul mate. I fell in love. I proclaimed my love. She was taken aback and later realized she loves me. The problem? She is married. For ten years. And still loves her husband.
We talked and talked, tried to make things work, wrestled with the situation and our feelings, did not cave in and sleep together, cried and laughed and cried some more.
It became too much for me. I am in the middle of rebuilding my life. All this came at a great and terrible time. "A bad time to be in love"--- Grand Funk Railroad. Me and song lyrics.......
So, the other day, I had to tell her I couldn't talk to her anymore. Or at least for a long while. I will always love her and be her friend. But I have to move away from this.... it's killing me.
She said she understood, said she was proud of me. In my heart of hearts I wanted her to beg me to be with her. But she loves me. She wants what's best for me. I want what's best for her.

If this is the best thing for both of us, why does it hurt so fucking bad?

Well, I'm not sitting around feeling sorry for myself..... okay, so I am, a little. But, in the big picture, things are good. I'm a pretty lucky cat. And the future is always uncertain. Who knows what the next day will bring. I know what I wish it would bring......

So it begins.....

Just another blog from someone who feels he has something to say.

This is my first post on this site. I had a myspace account that I posted on quite often, but I had to give it up. Long story.... perhaps I'll post more about it at a later time.
I find blogging to be very helpful in my thought process. You write something, go back months later to read it, and realize just how full of shit you are. Great fun.

So, at this moment, I've got millions of things running through my head that I need to get out. I'll just settle for this little post here.

Welcome. For now, this will be open to all. Here's to hoping I can be open with myself.

To thine own self be true.