Magic Moments

My name is Mikey and I'm an alcoholic.

I say this several times a week at AA meetings. I do not hide the fact that I am a recovering alcoholic. I blogged several times on myspace about it. I don't walk around with a sign advertising it, but it does come up from time to time. Example....

"Hey, you want a beer?"
"No thanks. I don't drink."
"Oh. Is that a religious thing?"
" No, it's a recovering alcoholic thing."
" Oh...."

Most people are just not sure what to say or how to act around you when they learn something like that. I always assure them that every thing's fine, go ahead and have your drink. But you still get that look... will he fall off the wagon if I drink this Zima in front of him? Not likely. Now, if you were having a vodka rocks with a twist, you could get my attention. Just kidding....

A friend was talking with me last night over the phone. We were chatting about this and that when I started telling her about the Monday Night Football gig I am committed to. I"m hosting a weekly party at a local bar. Big screen T.V.s, prize give aways, drink specials.... that kind of thing.
"Does that bother you?" she asked.
" You mean being at the bar?"
" Yeah, does it bother you?"
I had to be honest. "It does a little. But it's fine. I get over it."
"Is it hard?" I was touched by the concern in her voice.
" It's like this", I explained. " When I see all the people there drinking and having a good time.... when I see all the glasses of beer and all the shots of liquor.... I begin to think about how good it would taste. Then I think about the buzz.... that warm feeling of the alcohol in my veins. Sometimes it makes my mouth water. But, then I think about tomorrow. I'll wake up and I'll have to make a choice.... do I drink again today or do I get sober all over again. I was a daily drinker. I got drunk every night. That was the way I lived. That was the way I drank. Drinking, and everything that went with it, nearly killed me. So, do I risk going back to that? And if I go back to that, can I get sober again? Getting sober was one of the worst things I've ever gone through in my life. I don't ever want to get sober again.
It's in that moment that I decide NOT to have the drink. And then every things fine and I go on. Do you understand?"
" Yeah, I do", she said. "Wow. That's very cool."
" I'm glad you think so."

One less person to have an awkward moment with.