SWEET BLOOD, TEMPTATIONS, ESPN, NO WOMAN-NO CRY, AND SOUTH PARK

It's been over a month since I've posted. Lazy? I wish. Lot's going on.... let's see what I put down in the blog.....





First off, I was recently diagnosed as a diabetic. I stood there staring at the doctor in an awkward silence. "So, do we cut my legs off now, or what?" I asked. She laughed at me like the idiot I am and said no. I need a change in diet, some exercise, and lose some weight. Okay. I can do that.


The meeting with the doctor was because of the sty I could not get rid of. I posted about it last month. A big, ugly sty on my left eye. I finally broke down and went. The damn thing was killing me, not to mention that I looked like hell. I was given presciptions of antibiotics and.... vicodin. For the pain. Oh my....


I don't hide the fact that I'm a recovering alcoholic. One of my great joys back when I was drinking was to take drugs, like vicodin, and wash them down with beer and vodka.

I took my doctors note, gave it to the drug store, and in no time at all had the bottle in my hand.

I couldn't wait to get home. I had been given permission to get high. The anticipation was almost unbearable. I would stay home, unplug the phone..... oh my God....

There I was planning my buzz. Planning on locking myself away so I could get loaded. Planning on taking 3 or 4 pills when it said to only take 1. I began to shake.

My life now is far from perfect. I have problems like everyone else. But it's a hell of a lot better than it used to be. Was I entertaining the idea of going back to that life? Was the high going to be worth it? Would I really risk all I had built and all I had gone through?

Tears began to run down my face. I took the bottle, opened it, and dumped the pills out my car window. No. I will not go back to that life, but thanks for the invite. I have some Advil at home.



On a lighter note.....



It's official. The radio station where I work is going to become an ESPN affiliate. We will no longer be KGEO 1230AM..... we will be ESPN 1230! Fuckin' A! Good news, bad news, great news.

Good news: I'll be working for an ESPN affiliate.... with all the perks.

Bad news: I'm being phased out of my on air time during the radio auction show.... drag, 'cause I like being on the radio.

Great news: I will be named the producer of the sports talk show that will follow Mike&Mike In The Morning.... locally, of course. There It Is w/ Jake Stevens! We will be the lead in for the Jim Rome Show. AND I'll be doing the morning sports updates live, twice an hour on air. Sweet. In the real world, this is small potatoes.... but for me??? I'm jazzed! By the by.... thereitisjake.com is our web site. I'm going to try and figure out how to put a link up on the blog....



What else....



Still no real woman in my life. I hang out with a lot of women, but I want a GOOD woman. Is that asking too much? Is it too unrealistic to want to be a good man for a good woman? I'm beginning to think that there are no more out there. I guess I'll just keep taking applications....

This one is out of left field..... Christ, do I love me some South Park.
Last nights episode was nothing more than a tribute to the movie "Heavy Metal". Well fucking done Matt and Trey. I've been watching this show since day one and it has never gotten stale. It's too bad more people don't get the joke. It's my favorite show, hands down.

Well, for now, that's all. But that is just the tip of the iceberg. It's always helpful to get all this crap in my head written down. I get so worked up over such trivial stuff.... and when I go back later and reread it, it all seems so.... small. Amazing how self important we become.

Love and happiness to all.

A TRUE STORY? DEPENDS......

No reason to post today other than it's a slow day at work and I feel like writing.

I first started blogging when I opened a MYSPACE account a little over a year ago. I had read several blogs and wasn't sure what to write about when I started. But I did know one thing.... whatever I wrote about I was going to be honest. Completely honest. Even if it hurt. This turned out to be a bit of a mistake. Being honest about my life and lettting all my MYSPACE "friends" read and comment turned into a cluster-fuck. Which is a shame because I really liked some of the posts I had put up. But I deleted my account and came to Google. I'm much happier here. I dig the people that are reading and commenting and the blogs I'm reading here are a kick. Now.... back to the being honest part....

The story I'm about to relate is true. I was telling it to some friends over coffee a while back and they went wild. Eveyone laughed and laughed and had a million questions. When I was done telling it, a dozen similar stories came out from the crowd and coffee stretched until 3am.

So, it's a slow day at work, I feel like writing, and I will be completely honest. Let's see....

******************************

Many years ago I was dating a woman named Dee. That is not her real name, but because of the nature of the story and the fact that she is not around to put her spin on it, we'll go with Dee.
Dee was a pretty, young school teacher I had met at the wedding of a close friend of mine. We were both in the wedding party, so we spent a lot of time hanging out and then we were an item.
Things were going great and before I knew it, Dee had all but moved into the house I was renting. Not sure how that happened but it didn't really bother me. I liked her and she loved me. So it goes.
We would spend evenings preparing meals, but like a lot of couples we ate out a lot. There were a number of restaurants that we liked, and we would take turns picking where we wanted to eat. One of my favorite spots at the time was a buffet joint. I won't give out the name, but let's just say that you probably have one in your "hometown" and it is a "buffet". Dee wasn't crazy about the place but we went there because she knew I liked it.
So there we were eating. I like all you can eat places because I did just that.... have all I can eat. When we were through, I had several empty plates piled beside me. Dee had maybe two. It was time to go. We got in my car and started the 10 minute ride home. Not more than a minute into the drive I began to feel some discomfort.... cramps and such. A minute later it became apparent that I need to go to the bathroom. Badly. I said nothing and took the pain. We would be home soon. But I guess the sweating and moaning got Dees attention and she asked if I was okay. I told her what was happening.
"Let's stop at a gas station", she said
" No, I'll make it. I just have to get home."
Each moment brought new agony. The pressure building below was unbelievable. My knuckles were turning white as I gripped the steering wheel. "I have to make it home! Please, God, don't let this happen in front of my girlfriend!" I thought.
I turned the car into my neighborhood, then onto my street, then I saw my house. "Made it!" I said. Dee could not take her eyes off me.
I pulled into the driveway, turned off the car, and opened the door. For a moment I was frozen. The pain was so intense I couldn't move. Then I stepped out of the car and stood up. And there, in my driveway, on a bright and sunny afternoon, in front of the entire neighborhood, in front of my girlfriend.... I shit my pants. Like a 2 year old.
Not a squirt. Not a slip. I unloaded like a firefighting helicopter over a blaze.
I looked to my right and Dee was gone. Then I saw her head pop up over the car and back down it went again. She was laughing so hard she was choking. I was about to call her a fucking bitch but then realized I was going to need help getting into the house. Walking with a load in your pants is.... awkward. Dee composed herself, sort of, and helped me to the front door. She then got me into the shower, had me strip, and the clean up began. It was not pretty.
After it was all done, we had a great laugh. That will never happen again, I thought.

Two weeks later.....

We are sitting in the same buffet. I just finished my third plate of bbq ribs and mashed potatoes. "Ready to go?" Dee said.
"I want some pie with ice cream first", said the stupid man.
"Aaww, honey. You've had enough. Come on. Let's go."
" We'll split it." The stupid man is very stupid.
Dee just sat there watching me eat the pie and ice cream. When I was finished, we walked out to her car.
"Are you okay?" she asked. Dee was concerned. We had come in her car this evening.
"I'm fine. I feel good."
We got in her car, me in the passenger seat, and started the trip home.

The cramps hit monments later.

There was no humor in Dees voice this time. She was pissed.
"You said you were okay! What the fuck! Are you going to make it this time?"
"I don't think so. Drive fast.... oh, God!"
" Michael, don't you dare! Hold it!"
"I can't....", I said between my gritted teeth.
I was wearing shorts. When it happened, it happened with suck force that it shot out of the bottom of my shorts.... all over her car seat and all over the floor.
Dee began to gag. She got the power windows down. I was gagging too, and laughing at the same time. That's how we drove the rest of the way home. Dee gagging and screaming at me, and me laughing and gagging.
After the clean up, after Dee spent more that an hour cleaning her car ( that's right ladies and germs.... SHE cleaned her car!), we did not speak much the rest of that night.

I never ate at that restaurant again. I don't really eat at buffets much anymore. And I have not had another "incident" since that time.

Dee and I are no longer together. Truth of the matter is less than a year after the events I have described here, I broke up with her. She's a good woman. She put up with a lot of my shit.

And this is a true story. Hell, why would anyone make up a story like that? And why would anyone post it on their blog? Maybe they were bored at work and decided to tell a tale.

I'm hungry......

CUT ME, MICK!

It's been an interesting week. Forgive me if I seek your pity.



To start of with, I've been sick. Really sick. Run down, coughing, sneezing, radioactive booger, please God let me die, kind of sick. Not tragic, but crappy all the same. There's a lot of it going around.
I've been working really long hours at work. I don't normally mind this, but coupled with being sick has taken its toll.
Speaking of work... I had one of my hosts from one of the shows I produce drop the "bullshit" bomb on air three times.... in one show.... in a 48 second span. If you don't keep up with current events then I should tell you.... this is bad. Corporate bosses calling my phones screaming at me "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON THERE?" kind of bad. There were meetings and more meetings. I still have my job. I still have the headache.
I cannot get a woman out of my head. I won't go into details, I've posted about it before. But it raised its head again recently. Don't you just love love?
Yesterday, Friday, I got rear ended while sitting at a stop light. My hat and glasses went flying. My bumper is kind of fucked, but other than that everything is fine.... my back sort of hurts though....
And then there is the normal day-to-day stuff which seems to grow fangs when everything else is frying your ass.

But the kicker..... the cherry on the cake..... the thing that TAKES the cake.... is my eye.

I have a sty. In my left eye.

I know that a sty is not the end of the world. It's fairly common. An eye duct or hair folicle that's blocked and your eye lid swells up. Nothing you can do. Hot compresses and at some point and time it unblocks and everything is back to normal. But sometimes it takes time and this current sty is now about four days old... and I look like.... well, let's hear what the peanut gallery has said....

" Hey, Rocky! Cut me, Mick! Cut me!"

" You gonna ring the bells in the tower, hunchback?"

" Oh my God! I mean, it doesn't look that bad."

" Forgot to turn your head when the guy came, huh?"

" Holy shit, man! You're deformed!"

I hate people. I really do.

I know I'm not a good looking guy. That's fine. I can play the hand that I was delt. I make up for it by being charming and funny. About the best compliment I can remember about my looks was: " Oh, you're cute. Like Shrek!"

I hate people. I really do.

And this is what's baking my nuts this week. On top of everything else, I'm Shrek.... with a deformed, Rocky, hunchback- like eye. That drains at night and crusts over.

So, if you're walking down the street and you see a guy that looks like Shrek with a swollen eye coming towards you, show him a little pity. And wait for him to pass till you go screaming into the night.

IS THAT ALL THERE IS?

I was recently rewatching parts of "From the Earth to the Moon". It's an HBO mini-series that came out several years ago about the U.S.A. Apollo space program. It's one of the finest mini-series I have ever seen. If you liked "The Right Stuff" and "Apollo 13", this is a fine companion piece to both these films.

One of the episodes is entitled "Is That All There Is". It's my favorite of the series. The episode centers on the Apollo 12 mission, the second moon landing. More specificly it is from the perspective of astronaut Alan Bean, the fourth man to set foot on the moon.

After spending two days on the moon with mission commander Pete Conrad, the astronauts had redocked with the Command Capsule and were preparing for the trip home. Bean was staring out the window at the lunar surface when Conrad asked him what was up.

" Is that all there is?", Bean said.

" Ya know, Al Bean.... I was just thinking the same thing", was Conrads reply.

Here were two men that had just taken the greatest journey in human history. They had spent two days walking on the moon, 280,000 miles from Earth. And what were they thinking?

Is that all there is?

I blogged about this very subject on MySpace almost a year ago. It keeps coming up in my head.
I mean, if you can go to the moon... do something only a handfull of people have ever done... then pose that question... what do I say about my life? I'll never do something that extrodinary, ever.
I look out the window all the time and think... is that all there is? Would I still think that way if I...

won the lottery?
found a cure for cancer?
had children?
became famous?

walked on the moon?

The evidence would seem to indicate that I might.
Are we really that hollow inside that the events in our lives, great and small, still leave us wanting more?

I wonder if there are any people that don't ask that question. They find what they are looking for in things like family, friends, faith, golf...... but maybe, in a quiet moment alone, they look out at the horizon and think.... is that all there is?

At the end of the episode, Alan Bean comes to the realization that the only things we really have are the moments we spend with the people we love. And really.... that's all there is. Is that just one, big rationalization? Could be. But it's one that I hang on to.

You see.... I don't play golf. I've never had children. I'm not sure if I believe in God or not. I will never cure cancer. And I will never walk on the moon.
But I will have a house full of friends this weekend. We'll shoot pool, eat chicken wings, watch football, and laugh and talk and laugh.

And that's really all there is.

Dai Senryaku 7 : Modern Military Tactics

About a year and a half ago I reentered the world of video games. A friend sold me his old XBox and I was off and running.

Before this I was out of the loop for quite some time. My last video game system was a Super Nintendo. I loved it. Most of the games at that time involved collecting coins and jumping over dangerous turtles. I preferred strategy games and there were a few good ones.

Before that, there were a number of game systems that came and went, including the old Atari "Pong". That was my first home video game. Black and white screen, little square ball going back and forth. The simple pleasures of being simple. Mom would spend hours mopping up the brain matter we would leave around the T.V.

But those days are gone and while the XBox is not the current top of the line system out there, it's pretty good. The graphics are impressive, the game play is smooth and easy to master, and most of the stories are imaginative and clever (this is why Hollywood has taken to making movies out of games.... and in typical Hollywood fashion, screwing them up...). The games are great. Oh, the games....

The first person shooters like "Halo" (those are the ones that "progressive" thinkers will tell you are causing high schoolers to kill each other in class....... please....). Sports games like the popular "Madden" series. RPGs (Role Playing Games) like "Knights of the Old Republic".... becoming a Jedi OR a Sith Lord in a time set before the "Star Wars" films.

Is it any wonder why kids get hooked on these things?

I will say this about the games though.... the ones you hear about on T.V or where ever.... the most popular ones.... are not my favorites. Oh, they have their appeal. But I've always been attracted to stuff that's a little off the radar. That means getting on the internet to see what's interesting. I've even ordered a game or two from Ebay. Games even a hardcore gamer has never heard of. Games like "Dai Senryaku 7: Modern Military Tactics".

Quite simply one of the greatest video games I have ever, or will ever, play. And no one has ever heard of it.

I'm not going to bore you with the details of the game. If you are reading this and want more info, post a comment. Or, even better, look up the game in a "Google" search.
If you have even a minor interest in modern warfare, the weapons used, and how it is fought, seek this game out. You will never watch news footage of a world conflict the same way again.

And don't jump to the conclusion that this game, in any way, glorifies war. It's not about graphic deaths. It doesn't judge the politics of the countries involved. It is as pure a war game as.... well, chess. But with attack helicopters, computer jamming electronics, and Harpoon missiles.

I love my XBox. I don't get to play it much, but with games like DS7:MMT, there is a lot less brain matter to mop up after a gaming session.

CLOVERFIELD

The new hot movie is "Cloverfield". Well, new and hot to a super hero, sci-fi, fantasy, monster movie fan like me. Don't get me wrong. I'm down with a chick flic now and then. I love me the Woody Allen. "The Remains of the Day" is one of my all time favorites. But deep in my heart? I'll take a light saber battle, zombies, and Hobbits fighting orcs any day of the week. The ABCs of me.

In case you don't know, "Cloverfield" is about a giant monster that attacks New York City. I tell this to friends and their eyes glaze over and roll up into their heads. "Sounds great, Mikey", they say with the sarcasm dripping off their lips. That's okay. I have other friends that get excited like me about such things. And off we went to see Manhattan get eaten.

Manhattan didn't really get eaten. It got pulverized. It got reshaped. It got whacked. And in a very realistic way.

The film is told from a personal point of view.... i.e. a video camera. It follows a small group of friends as they try to rescue one of their own while a giant monster attacks the city. Not with daring stunts or outrageous gadgets. They walk through the devastation with tears in their eyes and confusion on their faces. Covered in dust, they stand there unable to speak. They break down.
Yeah, it's a lot like 9/11. A LOT LIKE 9/11. Which is why I think I liked it as much as I did.

There is not much of a plot. The characters are yuppies. You don't see much of the monster.
But now that we as a country are schooled about what massive destruction in a major city really looks like.... you can't help but get caught up in the plight of these wayward souls. It's not about what the army is doing. It's not about where the creature came from or why it's there. It's not about the fate of the planet. It's personal. And it works as a film.

Lot's of people will pass on this one because it's about a monster that attacks NYC. They will miss a very exciting, scary movie that at it's heart is warm, tragic, and at times, touching.

A Late Night Post

I'm up late and at work. Why? Not much happening tonight and I thought I'd get some work done.
The work is done and I'm sitting here reflecting on the past week. Let's see what blowing around inside the tornado in my head.

During the sports talk show I produce in the morning we had some cheerleaders from a major league sports team in studio. They came in wearing their little cheerleading uniforms. To say that all the men in this building were worked up during their visit would be a grotesque understatement. I was just as guilty as the rest. I told the host that I bet I could get them to dance. He shot me a look that said " No way you pull that off, idiot". As we came out of a commercial break I played The Offsprings "Pretty Fly (for a white guy)". All their pretty little heads turned to me, overly white teeth flashing, and they started to dance. They're cheerleaders. I knew they wouldn't be able to help themselves. After they left, I went outside and had a cigarette.

I saw The Blue Man Group this week. I was always under the impression that I hated The Blue Man Group. But after going to the show I will say now and for the record.... I love The Blue Man Group! Impossible to describe the show. If you've seen it, you know.

We had a remote for our radio station at a local blood bank. I was the host for one of the shows. I went early to give blood. I knew I was overdue to give because the blood bank had called me several times in the past couple of weeks. I went to the bank early to donate. So, as I was getting my paper work done, the lady behind the counter smiled at me and said "You are now a member of our 1 gallon club!"
"Excuse me?"
"Our records show that with this pint you have donated a gallon of blood. You get a licence plate frame!"
I don't like to pat myself on the back, but I'm damn proud of that frame.....

I talked to some friends I hadn't talked to in awhile. I worry about a woman in the mountains.
I'm going to see "Cloverfield" this weekend.

And now I'm very tired and it's time to go home and go to bed. I will be sitting in this very same chair in about 6 hours. No words of wisdom to end this post..... just good night.....

The River Flows

There is a short story in the beginning of the book Illusions by Richard Bach. It goes a little something like this...


There was a river. At the bottom of the river were little creatures whos only purpose was to cling to the rocks and plants there.
One day one of the little creatures said to the others "I wonder what would happen if I let go?"
The other creatures were horrified. "You'll be taken by the current and smashed by the rocks in the river! Never let go!" But the one little creature thought that there must be more to life than just clinging to the bottom. So, he summoned all his will and let go. And the current picked him up, took him very rapidly down river, and he was smashed into the rocks.

The little creature was banged up and bruised, but he was alive and the current once again took him down stream and he hit another rock. Shaken, but not discouraged, he pushed away from the rock and down stream he went again. After awhile the little creature realized that while he was at the mercy of the river, he could wiggle and turn just enough to avoid the rocks. He became one with the water and loved his new freedom in traveling the river.

After a time he saw other little creatures clinging to the river bed. When they saw him they were amazed. "Behold the miracle! One of us flies! It's a miracle!" they said.
As the little creature floated by, he yelled a response to the others.

"It's not a miracle. I just let go."

********************************************************

I may have messed the story up a little but the point is there.

Letting go is a hard thing to do. Getting smashed by the rocks sucks. But the longer I go along with the river, the easier the journey becomes.

Sometimes I look back and see others that I wish would let go. They could come with me on the adventure. But I understand why they still cling. It makes me sad.

And I can't keep looking back.

There are rocks to avoid.

The First Post Of 2008

It's a new year.

When I sit and reflect on 2007 I see ups and downs, rights and lefts, rights and wrongs. Over all I think that I came out on the plus side of things this year. Scratch that.... I KNOW I came out on the plus side. So as the final hours of the year marched down I was feeling pretty good about myself. Things could be much worse, I thought. Then they got worse.
I'm not going to go into detail about what happened. I'm not going to blame anyone. But this was one of the worst New Years Eves on record. By 10pm the night was shattered. At 11:30pm there was a woman at my feet having a full blown seizure. Her fists curled up into tight little balls, legs kicking, eyes rolled up in her head, blood and spit pouring from her mouth. As I was on my cell phone talking to 911 and guiding the paramedics to where we were, I was thinking "Is this an omen? And if it is an omen, what does it mean? Jesus, lady, don't die on me. It would really ruin my 2008."
I know what you're thinking.... self absorbed much? Guilty. Here was a woman fighting for her life and all I could think of was how it would affect me. I quickly put these thoughts on the back burner and got my attention back to the task at hand.
The other people that were in the room were freaking in every direction. One guy came running up to help with a cupcake in his hand. He held it out. Everyone just stared at him. He looked confused, then turned and walked away. Others tried to force pens and spoons into the womans mouth, but she was having none of it. Her teeth were clenched tight, blood and foam oozing from the gaps.
A short time later the paramedics arrived. Thank God. Their cool heads calmed the room. They took control of the situation, got the woman to come around, and then hauled her off to the ER. It looked like she was going to be okay. I was a little less than okay. I went and sat in the corner.
Midnight came. Fireworks exploding, pots and pans being banged, people yelling and hugging and kissing. I sat quietly and asked God to watch over the seizure woman, whos name I didn't even know. After a time, I got up, drove home, and went to bed. Happy New Year.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is. A good year, some bad moments, and a new year coming.

A great and happy new year to you all.