T'was The Week Before Christmas.....

Christmas is coming.... I am getting fat.
Please put some Twinkies in the old mans hat.

I've never been obsessed with my weight. I tend to be on the heavy side, I admit. And for the most part I'm okay with that.
Somethings changed....
The other day a friend of mine asked me how much I weigh. "265" was my reply. I said it proudly. Not to long ago I was topping the scales at about 300. It was sad. But I got down to 265 and was happy with it. I know that I need to lose more pounds. I could look better. I'll take 265 for now.
I went home and got on the scale. I had lied to my friend. I had lied to myself. The scale was pointing the finger of judgement at me..... 280. 2 8 0!!!!!
What had happened?? What had I done wrong?? The answer was simple. Ice cream, Snickers bars, cake, doughnuts, chicken sandwiches with lots of mayo. I had strayed from the path of lean meat, vegetables, oatmeal, and popcorn. Time to get back on the path.
Why do I care so much about my weight now when before it really didn't matter to me?
I'm getting older and my mortality is staring me in the face.
I'm sort of hunting for a mate.
The fat jokes are getting old.
I want to look good naked. This above all others....

What else.....?

It seems I'm going to a Garth Brooks concert next month. Some friends of mine are going, they bought me a ticket I didn't ask for, and told me I was going.
Lindsay: " I got you a ticket. You're going."
Me: " But I don't like Garth Brooks."
Lindsay: " Doesn't matter. I love Garth Brooks. We all want you there. You're going."
Me: " I don't even know any Garth Brooks songs."
Lindsay: " So? You'll have a good time. And you're funny. You're going."
Me: " But...."
Lindsay: " Shut up, Mikey. You're going."
Garth Brooks. He's a country singer, right? Should I wear a cowboy hat? Date my sister? Chew tobacco? I'm so scared....but I'm going.

It's less than a week away and I'm not ready for Christmas. What else is new? I do this every year. I think I secretly get off on the last minute shopping. Seeing people who are a lot more panicked than I am..... huge crowds of them. Kind of fun. Speaking of Christmas....

My company's Christmas party is this Friday. I don't think I've ever been to a real company Christmas party before. I've heard stories. It's at a nice place in town and there will be a cocktail hour. I won't be drinking, but it should be fun watching my co-workers get lit. Maybe there will be cake and cookies and lots of potatoes with gravy and meat. Maybe they'll serve seconds.

Oh. Wait. I have to be good. 280 reasons why I have to be good. Damn it!

In any event......

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Happy New Year!

To all the people I love....I love you all!

Asshole, thy name is.... can't say

There is a major asshole in the building where I work.

We all have them. They come in all shapes and sizes. They're assholes because they just don't seem to get that other people in the world are... well, people. People that have problems and worries, hopes and cares, feelings and opinions. Assholes concern themselves with none of this. It's all about them.
With not a care about how your weekend was, they will go no and on about their weekend.... in great detail. Twenty five minutes into their diatribe, they won't even notice that you are jamming a pencil into your own eye socket to try to distract them.
Or, without so much as a "Good morning", they will let you know how bad you are doing your job and why they are suffering for it.
Or, maybe they just feel that whatever it is that's going on in their lives is so much more important than anything you could be going through.
Whatever the case..... they're assholes.

I cannot go into great detail about the asshole at my work. I'm in the media. The asshole in question is also a member of the media. Radio, specifically. And if I were to out this person, it could come back to haunt me. Bakersfield is not a very big town. And if I were to let it out that a morning DJ in this market has an ego that is WAY out of control, it could be bad. Saying that this person is a bully might have repercussions. Suggesting that said asshole is a misogynistic, loudmouth, that couldn't think his way out of a paper bag, might get me in trouble.
But, you know, I have to say that his on air talent is only surpassed by his stunning good looks. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I'll always give credit where credit is due.
Besides, lots a people listen to his show. I didn't realize that contemporary hip/hop-R&B was that popular. Shows what I know.

Keep in mind that the fiction I have written here is just that.... fiction.

I was thinking about how great most of the people I work with are. And that one bad apple does not spoil the whole barrel. If there was a bad apple.... that was an asshole.


On a movie note..... just saw a great martial arts film last night. It was called "Romeo Must Die". Check it out.