Little tiny men in little tiny places

MY KINGDOM FOR A...

2010-04-20T16:07:00.000-07:00

Is there anything in the world (besides medical news... cancer, pregnant, balding...) that generates more anxiety than car problems? You take a successful guy, put him in a BMW or something like it, and let that beautiful automobile develop a noise or hiccup, and his world comes crashing down. Right?? And we all go through it. We all flip out. Know why? I'll tell you.

It's not the money... though that never helps the situation.

It's not that we love the car/truck/SUV all THAT much. Let's face it, these are different times. People don't have the loyalty to the autos like they used to.

It's not the greasy, smirking mechanic that talks to you like a four year old.

It's none of that.

It IS the loss of control. I'm right, aren't I? hehehehehe...

Who doesn't feel like a loser when their friend/relative/whoever... has to pick them up from the auto shop? Who doesn't become a second class citizen when you have to "bum" a ride into work? Who has not paced the halls of their home at ten thirty in the evening because you can't jump into you baby and get a pint of ice cream when you need it most?

And that's when it hits you about how dependent you are on that wonderful little rolling box... that plays the music YOU like. That moves as fast as YOU want to go. That waits for you all day to come out of the office, and never complains when you leave it out in the rain while you enjoy a movie. Never shoots you a look for smoking a cigarette, or picking your nose, or singing to that Pink song you won't admit you like to anyone else.

MY little rolling box... my little secret keeper... my little... click click click....

START, YOU SON OF A .....

They shoot horses, don't they?

Condors taste like Garlic Fries

2010-04-10T22:22:00.000-07:00

Local sports teams. From pee-wee leagues to high school teams, to the over priced, over hyped pros. Lordy, we love our sports.

Being a resident of Bakersfield for over 20 years now has sparked a sense of loyalty in me to follow and cheer for our local teams. We have our share of little league and AYSO and high school squads. When these teams make it into the regional or state finals I always check the paper or internet on their progress.

But when it comes to the college or the pro teams from our area, I start to get a tad more worked up. Maybe a tad more than a tad. Alright... I freakin' lose my mind! Happy??

Case in point... our local hockey team, the Bakersfield Condors.

Yes, Virginia, we have hockey in the middle of the California desert. It's VERY popular. I'm not kidding. Ask anybody on the streets of Bakersfield (thank you, Buck) what an icing call is, or what the purpose of the blue lines are, or why hockey has a point system rather than a win/loss system and you will get a blank stare... for the most part. But if you ask them about their Condors, they'll tell you who's the hot shooter, where the new goalie is from, and how the team ranks in the ECHL standings. I'm at a loss to explain it... I don't even try anymore. All I know is...local hockey has one hell of a following in Bakersfield, CA. I'm one of the fanatics as well.

Which, friends, is why I'm putting digits-to-keyboard tonight.

I'm not here to berate the team, it's players or coaches, ownership, fans or anyone else. I'm just a fan of a hockey team who fell behind in the playoffs tonight and look as though they will not see the next round of said playoffs. I'm pissed off, is what I am.

About a hockey team... from Bakersfield, CA... a town I'm not even from. AND... I'm burping up garlic fries. They serve THE BEST garlic fries at the games.

Where am I going with all this? Nowhere, I guess. I actually had a great time tonight, hanging with friends, eating food that's not all that good for us, and cheering for the Bakersfield Condors.

Oh, yeah.... I remember now. I love my local teams. Where ever they my turn up in my life.

It's still here and so am I

2010-04-08T21:47:00.000-07:00

It's been almost two years since I wrote anything on this blog. Right at this moment I'm realizing that I missed it. Glad it's still here.

Still sober. That's the #1 thing at this point. The lessons I learn in my recovery program carry me through everyday life. And that's not to say that my life is a heavy burden. Quite the opposite. Things are pretty goddamn good. But I'm still RECOVERING. That's the thing. I'll never get a diploma or a certificate saying "You are done, sir! Congrats!". I spent over thirty years of my life boozing and drugging which means that I truly didn't live life at all. Hell of a thing playing catch up at this point. 43 1/2 months vs. 30+ years... Putting it like that, I need a beer.

Kidding.

But as I sit here tonight thinking about how far I've come and what might lay before me, I'm struck with a sense of wonder and gratitude for every moment, good and bad. Thank you, God. You're an ok cat, you know that?

BTW... it still doesn't get much better than SOUTH PARK. Last weeks show about legalizing pot, and this weeks take on Facebook... brilliant. Wish I could be half that funny.

OH....shit.... I gotta say. Sometime back I wrote a blog about a DJ I work with and what a dick he is/was. Well, I just did a comedy bit with said DJ on his morning show today. He came to me after and told me how funny I am. I had know idea that dick DJ was so insightful.

I really missed writing this blog. Hope I'm back. Hope the cats I used to read about on here are still around.

Nearing bedtime. This was fun. Must do it again soon.

SWEET BLOOD, TEMPTATIONS, ESPN, NO WOMAN-NO CRY, AND SOUTH PARK

2008-03-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

It's been over a month since I've posted. Lazy? I wish. Lot's going on.... let's see what I put down in the blog.....

First off, I was recently diagnosed as a diabetic. I stood there staring at the doctor in an awkward silence. "So, do we cut my legs off now, or what?" I asked. She laughed at me like the idiot I am and said no. I need a change in diet, some exercise, and lose some weight. Okay. I can do that.

The meeting with the doctor was because of the sty I could not get rid of. I posted about it last month. A big, ugly sty on my left eye. I finally broke down and went. The damn thing was killing me, not to mention that I looked like hell. I was given presciptions of antibiotics and.... vicodin. For the pain. Oh my....

I don't hide the fact that I'm a recovering alcoholic. One of my great joys back when I was drinking was to take drugs, like vicodin, and wash them down with beer and vodka.

I took my doctors note, gave it to the drug store, and in no time at all had the bottle in my hand.

I couldn't wait to get home. I had been given permission to get high. The anticipation was almost unbearable. I would stay home, unplug the phone..... oh my God....

There I was planning my buzz. Planning on locking myself away so I could get loaded. Planning on taking 3 or 4 pills when it said to only take 1. I began to shake.

My life now is far from perfect. I have problems like everyone else. But it's a hell of a lot better than it used to be. Was I entertaining the idea of going back to that life? Was the high going to be worth it? Would I really risk all I had built and all I had gone through?

Tears began to run down my face. I took the bottle, opened it, and dumped the pills out my car window. No. I will not go back to that life, but thanks for the invite. I have some Advil at home.

On a lighter note.....

It's official. The radio station where I work is going to become an ESPN affiliate. We will no longer be KGEO 1230AM..... we will be ESPN 1230! Fuckin' A! Good news, bad news, great news.

Good news: I'll be working for an ESPN affiliate.... with all the perks.

Bad news: I'm being phased out of my on air time during the radio auction show.... drag, 'cause I like being on the radio.

Great news: I will be named the producer of the sports talk show that will follow Mike&Mike In The Morning.... locally, of course. There It Is w/ Jake Stevens! We will be the lead in for the Jim Rome Show. AND I'll be doing the morning sports updates live, twice an hour on air. Sweet. In the real world, this is small potatoes.... but for me??? I'm jazzed! By the by.... thereitisjake.com is our web site. I'm going to try and figure out how to put a link up on the blog....

What else....

Still no real woman in my life. I hang out with a lot of women, but I want a GOOD woman. Is that asking too much? Is it too unrealistic to want to be a good man for a good woman? I'm beginning to think that there are no more out there. I guess I'll just keep taking applications....

This one is out of left field..... Christ, do I love me some South Park.
Last nights episode was nothing more than a tribute to the movie "Heavy Metal". Well fucking done Matt and Trey. I've been watching this show since day one and it has never gotten stale. It's too bad more people don't get the joke. It's my favorite show, hands down.

Well, for now, that's all. But that is just the tip of the iceberg. It's always helpful to get all this crap in my head written down. I get so worked up over such trivial stuff.... and when I go back later and reread it, it all seems so.... small. Amazing how self important we become.

Love and happiness to all.

A TRUE STORY? DEPENDS......

2008-02-18T09:27:00.000-08:00

No reason to post today other than it's a slow day at work and I feel like writing.

I first started blogging when I opened a MYSPACE account a little over a year ago. I had read several blogs and wasn't sure what to write about when I started. But I did know one thing.... whatever I wrote about I was going to be honest. Completely honest. Even if it hurt. This turned out to be a bit of a mistake. Being honest about my life and lettting all my MYSPACE "friends" read and comment turned into a cluster-fuck. Which is a shame because I really liked some of the posts I had put up. But I deleted my account and came to Google. I'm much happier here. I dig the people that are reading and commenting and the blogs I'm reading here are a kick. Now.... back to the being honest part....

The story I'm about to relate is true. I was telling it to some friends over coffee a while back and they went wild. Eveyone laughed and laughed and had a million questions. When I was done telling it, a dozen similar stories came out from the crowd and coffee stretched until 3am.

So, it's a slow day at work, I feel like writing, and I will be completely honest. Let's see....

******************************

Many years ago I was dating a woman named Dee. That is not her real name, but because of the nature of the story and the fact that she is not around to put her spin on it, we'll go with Dee.
Dee was a pretty, young school teacher I had met at the wedding of a close friend of mine. We were both in the wedding party, so we spent a lot of time hanging out and then we were an item.
Things were going great and before I knew it, Dee had all but moved into the house I was renting. Not sure how that happened but it didn't really bother me. I liked her and she loved me. So it goes.
We would spend evenings preparing meals, but like a lot of couples we ate out a lot. There were a number of restaurants that we liked, and we would take turns picking where we wanted to eat. One of my favorite spots at the time was a buffet joint. I won't give out the name, but let's just say that you probably have one in your "hometown" and it is a "buffet". Dee wasn't crazy about the place but we went there because she knew I liked it.
So there we were eating. I like all you can eat places because I did just that.... have all I can eat. When we were through, I had several empty plates piled beside me. Dee had maybe two. It was time to go. We got in my car and started the 10 minute ride home. Not more than a minute into the drive I began to feel some discomfort.... cramps and such. A minute later it became apparent that I need to go to the bathroom. Badly. I said nothing and took the pain. We would be home soon. But I guess the sweating and moaning got Dees attention and she asked if I was okay. I told her what was happening.
"Let's stop at a gas station", she said
" No, I'll make it. I just have to get home."
Each moment brought new agony. The pressure building below was unbelievable. My knuckles were turning white as I gripped the steering wheel. "I have to make it home! Please, God, don't let this happen in front of my girlfriend!" I thought.
I turned the car into my neighborhood, then onto my street, then I saw my house. "Made it!" I said. Dee could not take her eyes off me.
I pulled into the driveway, turned off the car, and opened the door. For a moment I was frozen. The pain was so intense I couldn't move. Then I stepped out of the car and stood up. And there, in my driveway, on a bright and sunny afternoon, in front of the entire neighborhood, in front of my girlfriend.... I shit my pants. Like a 2 year old.
Not a squirt. Not a slip. I unloaded like a firefighting helicopter over a blaze.
I looked to my right and Dee was gone. Then I saw her head pop up over the car and back down it went again. She was laughing so hard she was choking. I was about to call her a fucking bitch but then realized I was going to need help getting into the house. Walking with a load in your pants is.... awkward. Dee composed herself, sort of, and helped me to the front door. She then got me into the shower, had me strip, and the clean up began. It was not pretty.
After it was all done, we had a great laugh. That will never happen again, I thought.

Two weeks later.....

We are sitting in the same buffet. I just finished my third plate of bbq ribs and mashed potatoes. "Ready to go?" Dee said.
"I want some pie with ice cream first", said the stupid man.
"Aaww, honey. You've had enough. Come on. Let's go."
" We'll split it." The stupid man is very stupid.
Dee just sat there watching me eat the pie and ice cream. When I was finished, we walked out to her car.
"Are you okay?" she asked. Dee was concerned. We had come in her car this evening.
"I'm fine. I feel good."
We got in her car, me in the passenger seat, and started the trip home.

The cramps hit monments later.

There was no humor in Dees voice this time. She was pissed.
"You said you were okay! What the fuck! Are you going to make it this time?"
"I don't think so. Drive fast.... oh, God!"
" Michael, don't you dare! Hold it!"
"I can't....", I said between my gritted teeth.
I was wearing shorts. When it happened, it happened with suck force that it shot out of the bottom of my shorts.... all over her car seat and all over the floor.
Dee began to gag. She got the power windows down. I was gagging too, and laughing at the same time. That's how we drove the rest of the way home. Dee gagging and screaming at me, and me laughing and gagging.
After the clean up, after Dee spent more that an hour cleaning her car ( that's right ladies and germs.... SHE cleaned her car!), we did not speak much the rest of that night.

I never ate at that restaurant again. I don't really eat at buffets much anymore. And I have not had another "incident" since that time.

Dee and I are no longer together. Truth of the matter is less than a year after the events I have described here, I broke up with her. She's a good woman. She put up with a lot of my shit.

And this is a true story. Hell, why would anyone make up a story like that? And why would anyone post it on their blog? Maybe they were bored at work and decided to tell a tale.

I'm hungry......

CUT ME, MICK!

2008-02-16T10:01:00.000-08:00

It's been an interesting week. Forgive me if I seek your pity.

To start of with, I've been sick. Really sick. Run down, coughing, sneezing, radioactive booger, please God let me die, kind of sick. Not tragic, but crappy all the same. There's a lot of it going around.
I've been working really long hours at work. I don't normally mind this, but coupled with being sick has taken its toll.
Speaking of work... I had one of my hosts from one of the shows I produce drop the "bullshit" bomb on air three times.... in one show.... in a 48 second span. If you don't keep up with current events then I should tell you.... this is bad. Corporate bosses calling my phones screaming at me "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON THERE?" kind of bad. There were meetings and more meetings. I still have my job. I still have the headache.
I cannot get a woman out of my head. I won't go into details, I've posted about it before. But it raised its head again recently. Don't you just love love?
Yesterday, Friday, I got rear ended while sitting at a stop light. My hat and glasses went flying. My bumper is kind of fucked, but other than that everything is fine.... my back sort of hurts though....
And then there is the normal day-to-day stuff which seems to grow fangs when everything else is frying your ass.

But the kicker..... the cherry on the cake..... the thing that TAKES the cake.... is my eye.

I have a sty. In my left eye.

I know that a sty is not the end of the world. It's fairly common. An eye duct or hair folicle that's blocked and your eye lid swells up. Nothing you can do. Hot compresses and at some point and time it unblocks and everything is back to normal. But sometimes it takes time and this current sty is now about four days old... and I look like.... well, let's hear what the peanut gallery has said....

" Hey, Rocky! Cut me, Mick! Cut me!"

" You gonna ring the bells in the tower, hunchback?"

" Oh my God! I mean, it doesn't look that bad."

" Forgot to turn your head when the guy came, huh?"

" Holy shit, man! You're deformed!"

I hate people. I really do.

I know I'm not a good looking guy. That's fine. I can play the hand that I was delt. I make up for it by being charming and funny. About the best compliment I can remember about my looks was: " Oh, you're cute. Like Shrek!"

I hate people. I really do.

And this is what's baking my nuts this week. On top of everything else, I'm Shrek.... with a deformed, Rocky, hunchback- like eye. That drains at night and crusts over.

So, if you're walking down the street and you see a guy that looks like Shrek with a swollen eye coming towards you, show him a little pity. And wait for him to pass till you go screaming into the night.

IS THAT ALL THERE IS?

2008-01-30T09:39:00.000-08:00

I was recently rewatching parts of "From the Earth to the Moon". It's an HBO mini-series that came out several years ago about the U.S.A. Apollo space program. It's one of the finest mini-series I have ever seen. If you liked "The Right Stuff" and "Apollo 13", this is a fine companion piece to both these films.

One of the episodes is entitled "Is That All There Is". It's my favorite of the series. The episode centers on the Apollo 12 mission, the second moon landing. More specificly it is from the perspective of astronaut Alan Bean, the fourth man to set foot on the moon.

After spending two days on the moon with mission commander Pete Conrad, the astronauts had redocked with the Command Capsule and were preparing for the trip home. Bean was staring out the window at the lunar surface when Conrad asked him what was up.

" Is that all there is?", Bean said.

" Ya know, Al Bean.... I was just thinking the same thing", was Conrads reply.

Here were two men that had just taken the greatest journey in human history. They had spent two days walking on the moon, 280,000 miles from Earth. And what were they thinking?

Is that all there is?

I blogged about this very subject on MySpace almost a year ago. It keeps coming up in my head.
I mean, if you can go to the moon... do something only a handfull of people have ever done... then pose that question... what do I say about my life? I'll never do something that extrodinary, ever.
I look out the window all the time and think... is that all there is? Would I still think that way if I...

won the lottery?
found a cure for cancer?
had children?
became famous?

walked on the moon?

The evidence would seem to indicate that I might.
Are we really that hollow inside that the events in our lives, great and small, still leave us wanting more?

I wonder if there are any people that don't ask that question. They find what they are looking for in things like family, friends, faith, golf...... but maybe, in a quiet moment alone, they look out at the horizon and think.... is that all there is?

At the end of the episode, Alan Bean comes to the realization that the only things we really have are the moments we spend with the people we love. And really.... that's all there is. Is that just one, big rationalization? Could be. But it's one that I hang on to.

You see.... I don't play golf. I've never had children. I'm not sure if I believe in God or not. I will never cure cancer. And I will never walk on the moon.
But I will have a house full of friends this weekend. We'll shoot pool, eat chicken wings, watch football, and laugh and talk and laugh.

And that's really all there is.

Dai Senryaku 7 : Modern Military Tactics

2008-01-25T10:34:00.000-08:00

About a year and a half ago I reentered the world of video games. A friend sold me his old XBox and I was off and running.

Before this I was out of the loop for quite some time. My last video game system was a Super Nintendo. I loved it. Most of the games at that time involved collecting coins and jumping over dangerous turtles. I preferred strategy games and there were a few good ones.

Before that, there were a number of game systems that came and went, including the old Atari "Pong". That was my first home video game. Black and white screen, little square ball going back and forth. The simple pleasures of being simple. Mom would spend hours mopping up the brain matter we would leave around the T.V.

But those days are gone and while the XBox is not the current top of the line system out there, it's pretty good. The graphics are impressive, the game play is smooth and easy to master, and most of the stories are imaginative and clever (this is why Hollywood has taken to making movies out of games.... and in typical Hollywood fashion, screwing them up...). The games are great. Oh, the games....

The first person shooters like "Halo" (those are the ones that "progressive" thinkers will tell you are causing high schoolers to kill each other in class....... please....). Sports games like the popular "Madden" series. RPGs (Role Playing Games) like "Knights of the Old Republic".... becoming a Jedi OR a Sith Lord in a time set before the "Star Wars" films.

Is it any wonder why kids get hooked on these things?

I will say this about the games though.... the ones you hear about on T.V or where ever.... the most popular ones.... are not my favorites. Oh, they have their appeal. But I've always been attracted to stuff that's a little off the radar. That means getting on the internet to see what's interesting. I've even ordered a game or two from Ebay. Games even a hardcore gamer has never heard of. Games like "Dai Senryaku 7: Modern Military Tactics".

Quite simply one of the greatest video games I have ever, or will ever, play. And no one has ever heard of it.

I'm not going to bore you with the details of the game. If you are reading this and want more info, post a comment. Or, even better, look up the game in a "Google" search.
If you have even a minor interest in modern warfare, the weapons used, and how it is fought, seek this game out. You will never watch news footage of a world conflict the same way again.

And don't jump to the conclusion that this game, in any way, glorifies war. It's not about graphic deaths. It doesn't judge the politics of the countries involved. It is as pure a war game as.... well, chess. But with attack helicopters, computer jamming electronics, and Harpoon missiles.

I love my XBox. I don't get to play it much, but with games like DS7:MMT, there is a lot less brain matter to mop up after a gaming session.

CLOVERFIELD

2008-01-21T15:12:00.000-08:00

The new hot movie is "Cloverfield". Well, new and hot to a super hero, sci-fi, fantasy, monster movie fan like me. Don't get me wrong. I'm down with a chick flic now and then. I love me the Woody Allen. "The Remains of the Day" is one of my all time favorites. But deep in my heart? I'll take a light saber battle, zombies, and Hobbits fighting orcs any day of the week. The ABCs of me.

In case you don't know, "Cloverfield" is about a giant monster that attacks New York City. I tell this to friends and their eyes glaze over and roll up into their heads. "Sounds great, Mikey", they say with the sarcasm dripping off their lips. That's okay. I have other friends that get excited like me about such things. And off we went to see Manhattan get eaten.

Manhattan didn't really get eaten. It got pulverized. It got reshaped. It got whacked. And in a very realistic way.

The film is told from a personal point of view.... i.e. a video camera. It follows a small group of friends as they try to rescue one of their own while a giant monster attacks the city. Not with daring stunts or outrageous gadgets. They walk through the devastation with tears in their eyes and confusion on their faces. Covered in dust, they stand there unable to speak. They break down.
Yeah, it's a lot like 9/11. A LOT LIKE 9/11. Which is why I think I liked it as much as I did.

There is not much of a plot. The characters are yuppies. You don't see much of the monster.
But now that we as a country are schooled about what massive destruction in a major city really looks like.... you can't help but get caught up in the plight of these wayward souls. It's not about what the army is doing. It's not about where the creature came from or why it's there. It's not about the fate of the planet. It's personal. And it works as a film.

Lot's of people will pass on this one because it's about a monster that attacks NYC. They will miss a very exciting, scary movie that at it's heart is warm, tragic, and at times, touching.

A Late Night Post

2008-01-18T23:33:00.000-08:00

I'm up late and at work. Why? Not much happening tonight and I thought I'd get some work done.
The work is done and I'm sitting here reflecting on the past week. Let's see what blowing around inside the tornado in my head.

During the sports talk show I produce in the morning we had some cheerleaders from a major league sports team in studio. They came in wearing their little cheerleading uniforms. To say that all the men in this building were worked up during their visit would be a grotesque understatement. I was just as guilty as the rest. I told the host that I bet I could get them to dance. He shot me a look that said " No way you pull that off, idiot". As we came out of a commercial break I played The Offsprings "Pretty Fly (for a white guy)". All their pretty little heads turned to me, overly white teeth flashing, and they started to dance. They're cheerleaders. I knew they wouldn't be able to help themselves. After they left, I went outside and had a cigarette.

I saw The Blue Man Group this week. I was always under the impression that I hated The Blue Man Group. But after going to the show I will say now and for the record.... I love The Blue Man Group! Impossible to describe the show. If you've seen it, you know.

We had a remote for our radio station at a local blood bank. I was the host for one of the shows. I went early to give blood. I knew I was overdue to give because the blood bank had called me several times in the past couple of weeks. I went to the bank early to donate. So, as I was getting my paper work done, the lady behind the counter smiled at me and said "You are now a member of our 1 gallon club!"
"Excuse me?"
"Our records show that with this pint you have donated a gallon of blood. You get a licence plate frame!"
I don't like to pat myself on the back, but I'm damn proud of that frame.....

I talked to some friends I hadn't talked to in awhile. I worry about a woman in the mountains.
I'm going to see "Cloverfield" this weekend.

And now I'm very tired and it's time to go home and go to bed. I will be sitting in this very same chair in about 6 hours. No words of wisdom to end this post..... just good night.....

The River Flows

2008-01-14T21:31:00.000-08:00

There is a short story in the beginning of the book Illusions by Richard Bach. It goes a little something like this...

There was a river. At the bottom of the river were little creatures whos only purpose was to cling to the rocks and plants there.
One day one of the little creatures said to the others "I wonder what would happen if I let go?"
The other creatures were horrified. "You'll be taken by the current and smashed by the rocks in the river! Never let go!" But the one little creature thought that there must be more to life than just clinging to the bottom. So, he summoned all his will and let go. And the current picked him up, took him very rapidly down river, and he was smashed into the rocks.

The little creature was banged up and bruised, but he was alive and the current once again took him down stream and he hit another rock. Shaken, but not discouraged, he pushed away from the rock and down stream he went again. After awhile the little creature realized that while he was at the mercy of the river, he could wiggle and turn just enough to avoid the rocks. He became one with the water and loved his new freedom in traveling the river.

After a time he saw other little creatures clinging to the river bed. When they saw him they were amazed. "Behold the miracle! One of us flies! It's a miracle!" they said.
As the little creature floated by, he yelled a response to the others.

"It's not a miracle. I just let go."

********************************************************

I may have messed the story up a little but the point is there.

Letting go is a hard thing to do. Getting smashed by the rocks sucks. But the longer I go along with the river, the easier the journey becomes.

Sometimes I look back and see others that I wish would let go. They could come with me on the adventure. But I understand why they still cling. It makes me sad.

And I can't keep looking back.

There are rocks to avoid.

The First Post Of 2008

2008-01-03T10:18:00.000-08:00

It's a new year.

When I sit and reflect on 2007 I see ups and downs, rights and lefts, rights and wrongs. Over all I think that I came out on the plus side of things this year. Scratch that.... I KNOW I came out on the plus side. So as the final hours of the year marched down I was feeling pretty good about myself. Things could be much worse, I thought. Then they got worse.
I'm not going to go into detail about what happened. I'm not going to blame anyone. But this was one of the worst New Years Eves on record. By 10pm the night was shattered. At 11:30pm there was a woman at my feet having a full blown seizure. Her fists curled up into tight little balls, legs kicking, eyes rolled up in her head, blood and spit pouring from her mouth. As I was on my cell phone talking to 911 and guiding the paramedics to where we were, I was thinking "Is this an omen? And if it is an omen, what does it mean? Jesus, lady, don't die on me. It would really ruin my 2008."
I know what you're thinking.... self absorbed much? Guilty. Here was a woman fighting for her life and all I could think of was how it would affect me. I quickly put these thoughts on the back burner and got my attention back to the task at hand.
The other people that were in the room were freaking in every direction. One guy came running up to help with a cupcake in his hand. He held it out. Everyone just stared at him. He looked confused, then turned and walked away. Others tried to force pens and spoons into the womans mouth, but she was having none of it. Her teeth were clenched tight, blood and foam oozing from the gaps.
A short time later the paramedics arrived. Thank God. Their cool heads calmed the room. They took control of the situation, got the woman to come around, and then hauled her off to the ER. It looked like she was going to be okay. I was a little less than okay. I went and sat in the corner.
Midnight came. Fireworks exploding, pots and pans being banged, people yelling and hugging and kissing. I sat quietly and asked God to watch over the seizure woman, whos name I didn't even know. After a time, I got up, drove home, and went to bed. Happy New Year.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is. A good year, some bad moments, and a new year coming.

A great and happy new year to you all.

T'was The Week Before Christmas.....

2007-12-19T08:16:00.000-08:00

Christmas is coming.... I am getting fat.
Please put some Twinkies in the old mans hat.

I've never been obsessed with my weight. I tend to be on the heavy side, I admit. And for the most part I'm okay with that.
Somethings changed....
The other day a friend of mine asked me how much I weigh. "265" was my reply. I said it proudly. Not to long ago I was topping the scales at about 300. It was sad. But I got down to 265 and was happy with it. I know that I need to lose more pounds. I could look better. I'll take 265 for now.
I went home and got on the scale. I had lied to my friend. I had lied to myself. The scale was pointing the finger of judgement at me..... 280. 2 8 0!!!!!
What had happened?? What had I done wrong?? The answer was simple. Ice cream, Snickers bars, cake, doughnuts, chicken sandwiches with lots of mayo. I had strayed from the path of lean meat, vegetables, oatmeal, and popcorn. Time to get back on the path.
Why do I care so much about my weight now when before it really didn't matter to me?
I'm getting older and my mortality is staring me in the face.
I'm sort of hunting for a mate.
The fat jokes are getting old.
I want to look good naked. This above all others....

What else.....?

It seems I'm going to a Garth Brooks concert next month. Some friends of mine are going, they bought me a ticket I didn't ask for, and told me I was going.
Lindsay: " I got you a ticket. You're going."
Me: " But I don't like Garth Brooks."
Lindsay: " Doesn't matter. I love Garth Brooks. We all want you there. You're going."
Me: " I don't even know any Garth Brooks songs."
Lindsay: " So? You'll have a good time. And you're funny. You're going."
Me: " But...."
Lindsay: " Shut up, Mikey. You're going."
Garth Brooks. He's a country singer, right? Should I wear a cowboy hat? Date my sister? Chew tobacco? I'm so scared....but I'm going.

It's less than a week away and I'm not ready for Christmas. What else is new? I do this every year. I think I secretly get off on the last minute shopping. Seeing people who are a lot more panicked than I am..... huge crowds of them. Kind of fun. Speaking of Christmas....

My company's Christmas party is this Friday. I don't think I've ever been to a real company Christmas party before. I've heard stories. It's at a nice place in town and there will be a cocktail hour. I won't be drinking, but it should be fun watching my co-workers get lit. Maybe there will be cake and cookies and lots of potatoes with gravy and meat. Maybe they'll serve seconds.

Oh. Wait. I have to be good. 280 reasons why I have to be good. Damn it!

In any event......

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Happy New Year!

To all the people I love....I love you all!

Asshole, thy name is.... can't say

2007-12-07T09:26:00.000-08:00

There is a major asshole in the building where I work.

We all have them. They come in all shapes and sizes. They're assholes because they just don't seem to get that other people in the world are... well, people. People that have problems and worries, hopes and cares, feelings and opinions. Assholes concern themselves with none of this. It's all about them.
With not a care about how your weekend was, they will go no and on about their weekend.... in great detail. Twenty five minutes into their diatribe, they won't even notice that you are jamming a pencil into your own eye socket to try to distract them.
Or, without so much as a "Good morning", they will let you know how bad you are doing your job and why they are suffering for it.
Or, maybe they just feel that whatever it is that's going on in their lives is so much more important than anything you could be going through.
Whatever the case..... they're assholes.

I cannot go into great detail about the asshole at my work. I'm in the media. The asshole in question is also a member of the media. Radio, specifically. And if I were to out this person, it could come back to haunt me. Bakersfield is not a very big town. And if I were to let it out that a morning DJ in this market has an ego that is WAY out of control, it could be bad. Saying that this person is a bully might have repercussions. Suggesting that said asshole is a misogynistic, loudmouth, that couldn't think his way out of a paper bag, might get me in trouble.
But, you know, I have to say that his on air talent is only surpassed by his stunning good looks. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I'll always give credit where credit is due.
Besides, lots a people listen to his show. I didn't realize that contemporary hip/hop-R&B was that popular. Shows what I know.

Keep in mind that the fiction I have written here is just that.... fiction.

I was thinking about how great most of the people I work with are. And that one bad apple does not spoil the whole barrel. If there was a bad apple.... that was an asshole.

On a movie note..... just saw a great martial arts film last night. It was called "Romeo Must Die". Check it out.

Magic Moments

2007-11-19T09:18:00.000-08:00

My name is Mikey and I'm an alcoholic.

I say this several times a week at AA meetings. I do not hide the fact that I am a recovering alcoholic. I blogged several times on myspace about it. I don't walk around with a sign advertising it, but it does come up from time to time. Example....

"Hey, you want a beer?"
"No thanks. I don't drink."
"Oh. Is that a religious thing?"
" No, it's a recovering alcoholic thing."
" Oh...."

Most people are just not sure what to say or how to act around you when they learn something like that. I always assure them that every thing's fine, go ahead and have your drink. But you still get that look... will he fall off the wagon if I drink this Zima in front of him? Not likely. Now, if you were having a vodka rocks with a twist, you could get my attention. Just kidding....

A friend was talking with me last night over the phone. We were chatting about this and that when I started telling her about the Monday Night Football gig I am committed to. I"m hosting a weekly party at a local bar. Big screen T.V.s, prize give aways, drink specials.... that kind of thing.
"Does that bother you?" she asked.
" You mean being at the bar?"
" Yeah, does it bother you?"
I had to be honest. "It does a little. But it's fine. I get over it."
"Is it hard?" I was touched by the concern in her voice.
" It's like this", I explained. " When I see all the people there drinking and having a good time.... when I see all the glasses of beer and all the shots of liquor.... I begin to think about how good it would taste. Then I think about the buzz.... that warm feeling of the alcohol in my veins. Sometimes it makes my mouth water. But, then I think about tomorrow. I'll wake up and I'll have to make a choice.... do I drink again today or do I get sober all over again. I was a daily drinker. I got drunk every night. That was the way I lived. That was the way I drank. Drinking, and everything that went with it, nearly killed me. So, do I risk going back to that? And if I go back to that, can I get sober again? Getting sober was one of the worst things I've ever gone through in my life. I don't ever want to get sober again.
It's in that moment that I decide NOT to have the drink. And then every things fine and I go on. Do you understand?"
" Yeah, I do", she said. "Wow. That's very cool."
" I'm glad you think so."

One less person to have an awkward moment with.

In Anothers Words

2007-11-09T09:24:00.000-08:00

I was going to write something else, but I think I'll go with this......

If I have weaknesses
don't let them blind me
or camouflage all I am wary of
I could be sailing in seizures of laughter
or crawling out from under the heel of love
Do my prayers remain unanswered
like a beggar at your sleeve?
Olodumare is smiling in heaven
Smiling in heaven I do believe

Reach in the darkness
A reach in the dark

To overcome an obstacle or an enemy
To glide away from the razor or a knife
To overcome an obstacle or an enemy
To dominate the impossible in your life

- Paul Simon, The Rhythm Of The Saints

Yeah, that's all I want to say today.

New Costume

2007-10-31T09:24:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween!

What is it about this holiday? Do we love being scared or is it just the candy? Is it the kids being cute in their costumes? Or is it the costumes we adults get to wear? Hey, maybe that's it....

A chance to pretend that we're someone else. Who doesn't like to do that? We don't get a chance to do that very often.... become a different person. To have others regard us with a sense of awe and mystery. Mundane becomes terrifying, blah becomes sexy.

No costume for me today. Okay, so I'm wearing my new zombie tee shirt. It was a gift from a friend that knows me well. But no REAL costume. Becoming a different person is something I try and practice everyday now. Being a better person. It's not terrifying, it's not sexy, it's just me.

The kids in my neighborhood will ask me why I didn't dress up as I hand out candy this year.
" You're not scary like you used to be."

You got that right, kids, you got that right.

You want fries with that?

2007-10-30T14:33:00.000-07:00

At the age of 42 I started a new career. In December 2006 I went to work for a radio company. The station I work for is a great training ground for me. A talk station with a lot of sports programing. I would love to do something a little more creative in radio eventually, but for now this suits me fine.
The people I work with are great. Lots of different personalities and egos. Keeps things interesting.
Recently, I was producing a show and one of my co-workers was doing some work on the computer in my studio. We were chatting as we were working and I looked over at the screen he was working on. Corey had finished whatever he was doing and had gotten on the Internet. It was a real estate web site. No big deal about that, but a picture of one of the agents caught my attention. It was a picture of a woman in her mid to late 50s. Her dress was an awful blue color with sequins, and her hair was bleach blond and spiked. The makeup really set me off though. Dark rouge on her cheeks, bright red lipstick, drawn on eyebrows, and thick blue eye shadow that matched her dress. I started to laugh.

" Let me guess. She's a real estate agent and part time hooker", I said. "Or a whore that sells real estate on the side." I laughed some more. I really crack myself up.
Corey just looked at me. He wasn't getting the joke. I pushed on.
" I mean look at her. If that's not a hooker.... don't you just love the dress?"
Corey had now started to laugh. My comedy magic was working.
" The makeup is what gives her away. No self respecting woman wears makeup like that. That face has seen some hard times."
I was on a roll. I had Corey doubled over. He was trying to speak. "Oh, man, you're killing me!" he said. "You have no idea!"
"Idea about what?" I asked. "The whore? She is a whore, isn't she?"
Breathing was becoming a problem for Corey. He was laughing so hard his face had turned bright red. He managed to get a few words out.
"Dude, it's so sad..... I can't tell you....."
"Let me guess", I said. "She's a one legged hooker, right? That's what's so sad. A one legged old fucking hooker."
"I can't tell you. You'll feel bad. But, oh God, that's funny", he said.
"Just tell me, Corey..... what's the story on the skank?"

Her wouldn't tell me. He just laughed and laughed. I finally wore him down.

"Okay, I'll tell you. But you're going to feel bad."
"What? She's dying of AIDS."
"No, no, no" he said, still laughing. "That picture..... that's my mother."

You know the feeling when the blood drains from your face?

I spent the next several hours telling Corey how sorry I was. For days after, people in the halls at work would ask me how Corey's mom was.

Well, some time has passed. Life moves on. And Corey was just promoted today. He's now my boss. I'm sure his mother is very proud.

I wonder if they're hiring at McDonalds....

Bad Time To Be In Love

2007-10-22T09:48:00.000-07:00

Together. As if in silent prayer.
And whenever I looked out, you were there.
Love flowed from our hearts.
How could we ever,
Stand to be apart?

Don't throw your faith in others away,
Because we have ended this way.
Don't ever think I don't care about you,
What you've always know is true.

It always seems sad, things have to change.
Like our feelings, let's not look for blame.
After all is said and done, I am the sorry one.
Why must we hurt the people we love?
It's like my destiny falls on me from above.

I love you but I can't hang on anymore.
I love you but I can't stay anymore --- Single Gun Theory, Surrender

Yeah, that pretty much says it.

I'm dealing with a broken heart. Met a woman that I believe is my soul mate. I fell in love. I proclaimed my love. She was taken aback and later realized she loves me. The problem? She is married. For ten years. And still loves her husband.
We talked and talked, tried to make things work, wrestled with the situation and our feelings, did not cave in and sleep together, cried and laughed and cried some more.
It became too much for me. I am in the middle of rebuilding my life. All this came at a great and terrible time. "A bad time to be in love"--- Grand Funk Railroad. Me and song lyrics.......
So, the other day, I had to tell her I couldn't talk to her anymore. Or at least for a long while. I will always love her and be her friend. But I have to move away from this.... it's killing me.
She said she understood, said she was proud of me. In my heart of hearts I wanted her to beg me to be with her. But she loves me. She wants what's best for me. I want what's best for her.

If this is the best thing for both of us, why does it hurt so fucking bad?

Well, I'm not sitting around feeling sorry for myself..... okay, so I am, a little. But, in the big picture, things are good. I'm a pretty lucky cat. And the future is always uncertain. Who knows what the next day will bring. I know what I wish it would bring......

So it begins.....

2007-10-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

Just another blog from someone who feels he has something to say.

This is my first post on this site. I had a myspace account that I posted on quite often, but I had to give it up. Long story.... perhaps I'll post more about it at a later time.
I find blogging to be very helpful in my thought process. You write something, go back months later to read it, and realize just how full of shit you are. Great fun.

So, at this moment, I've got millions of things running through my head that I need to get out. I'll just settle for this little post here.

Welcome. For now, this will be open to all. Here's to hoping I can be open with myself.

To thine own self be true.